We've just said goodbye to the folks at the Seymour Duncan booth. With that signing done and the Heritage jam this morning, I have one more official appearance to make today. As my manager and I navigate towards the Peavey/Budda booth through the thick crowd and overwhelming noise, I think to myself:
Describing NAMM as ‘sensory overload,’ is like describing the Sears Tower as ‘tall.’
If you’ve ever been to a Guitar Center or Sam Ash music store on a Saturday morning, imagine that white noise rumble multiplied indefinitely. Every type of instrument being tuned simultaneously over thousands of people talking, electric guitars squealing, drums pounding, cymbals crashing, acoustic guitars strumming, bases thumping, violins screeching, people singing, keyboards clashing, saxes and trumpets screaming, trombones farting.
At one booth, I notice a high school age kid bashing sound out of a guitar and it sounds painful. I can't wait to get away. At the next is a duet with two master electric bassists, Victor Wooten (of Bela Flek & The Flektones) and Matt Garrison (of John McLaughlin, Joe Zawinul and Herbie Hancock). It sounds amazing. I stop and watch for a second but we have no time, I have to be signing for Peavey/Budda amps in ten minutes. If I stop and watch every cool jam and try out every piece of gear I like, I'll never make it.
Meanwhile I'm getting stopped several times a minute to sign autographs and pose for photos. This will happen all day today and tomorrow. Soon, my fingers will hurt from writing, my eyes will get sore from flash photography, my face will hurt from smiling, my hand from shaking, my ears from the noise, my throat from the dry air and my voice from talking above the din.
I’m not complaining. It’s part of a job I'm very lucky to have. I enjoy meeting all these people who are eager to meet me.
While I'm no 'household name' like Bono or Stevie Wonder, both of whom have attended NAMM shows from time to time (I once saw Stevie walking around, it was exciting), in this environment, where guitar enthusiasts are a sizeable portion of the crowd, I get a glimpse into what that kind of fame must be like. You want to pay attention to everyone and be nice to all. But it’s hard when you’re constantly distracted, running late to your next signing/performance, and getting texted by your buddies.
As someone who grew up feeling ‘invisible,’ I wonder if there is some deep-rooted psychological ‘corrective experience’ at play here (what would Mr. Freud say?). And I like being 'this guy' much better then the first few times I came to here.
At the first few NAMM shows I attended, I was awkward, shy, overwhelmed and feeling like a 'nobody." A young kid completely out of his element, I didn’t know what to say to anyone. I remember going up to booths and just getting a strange attitude from the people there. They didn’t want to talk to me. I was just another kid playing music they didn't get, 'thrash,' which they equated to 'trash.' And I didn’t have the social skills to talk to anyone effectively, gear reps, guitar mags or anyone else. Indeed there were so many times that I’d felt I’d said something wrong, was caught off guard, was distracted, unable to stay focused. I'd leave the convention feeling terrible.
While these early experiences were difficult, a couple very positive things happened as a result. For one thing, I eventually learned to handle it. Like a lot of things in life, you get better with practice and perseverance. By focusing on all the positive elements, I'm really able to enjoy it now. In fact, I feel that in these last few years especially, very positive developments have come out of it on friendship and business levels.
I don't blame myself for having a hard time with it, early on. I recognize that it is a cesspool, an intense social experiment.
Another positive effect of NAMM was that it helped solidify my musical direction. I can remember hearing musicians like Chick Corea, Mike Stern, John Pattituci, Joey Defrancesco up close. Master musicians who were there for the music, not the imagery. It strengthened my resolve to be someone that was about the music. I felt like these artists were like sacred trees unspoiled by the surrounding pollution of those vying to prove they can play the fastest or dress the loudest.
Today, I'm able to enjoy NAMM largely because I feel I've been able to follow that path. Along the way, I feel I've become 'image conscious' without becoming a caricature of a metal or jazz musician or any other type. I'm so grateful to have come to a place where I can be here and have fun, feel good about who I am, play some good music, hang with some great friends and not feel sorry for myself.
(To be continued)
20 comments:
Thanks for sharing this, Alex. It's such an important lesson— that we have to do things that make us nervous or uncomfortable to evolve into the people we want to be, to have the level of success we want.
Hi Alex,
Another great post.
You sound a bit introspective and you are right when you say one has to go through certain uncomfortable experiences to learn how to deal with it in the future. It also happened to me.
I have always been a very shy person but in my job I have to deal with many people and it got me years to get accustomed to it. When everything was coped with I moved to another department with totally different people. I had to start it all over but it was much easier this time. I guess I grew up.
Looking forward to reading part IV and keep us posted on your very busy and interesting life and above all: Enjoy Yourself.
Regards,
Claudia
In any profession that you choose, it´s necessary open mind. Rock is particulary more difficult, because peoples look for you, as who look for a shit. Several years ago, I played at "our NAMM", in 2001, and percepted the some artist really are in a battle, not in convention.
Just a tip, without names : one ex-member from a band, go to NAMM all years, but in him group, don´t stop anyone for more of 2 months. Why ? What´s this guy have that anyone continue to play with him ? mistery...
I read all three of these posts and to me they keep getting better. It is told from a different perspective, than which you normally hear; which is some guy showing all the pictures of musicians he met during the NAMM show. It is really neat to hear some of the thoughts that went through your head during the show.
I attended the NAMM show once (2009) and sensory overload is definitely the term to describe it. Everywhere you would look there were musicians you recognized from all sorts of genres. Freakazoids running around, bikini girls standing at various booths, crazy light shows, etc.To me the most annoying aspect were all of the people with "V" passes. I swear I even saw a whole family with "V" passes and the dad was leading the charge to get autographs!
Reading how you stopped for as many people as you could along the way is a very cool thing; I tried not to stop people when I saw them walking because I knew that they were there for business and also for themselves. Not to name drop (too much) but some of the people I saw hanging out alone checking things out or walking were: Steve Vai, Kofi Baker, Eric Peterson, Michael Amott, Cris Caffery, Robert Pagliari, and Johny Dolmayan. Plenty of chances to be an autograph hound but as cool as it would have been to have met those guys I realized that they are just people too and that they might want to check out stuff without being hounded. I mean I did meet some pretty cool people such as yourself, Mike Inez & Jason Bonham; but I waited in line to meet you guys. Funny thing when I met you, you were at the Rock House booth next to Alexi Laiho, I was a) shocked how many people were there to meet him over you & b) how he posed like a complete typical metal jack ass guitar player in every photo he took. Anyways, I even took that approach about meeting musicians that I really admire when I left for the airport, I was leaving to fly to San Francisco and guess who not only stands right besides me waiting to get on the plane but also sits two rows ahead of me? Michael Schenker. Inside I was freaking out but I was sure that he just wanted to get the hell out of dodge, which is understandable. I totally regret not saying hi or something like that, because honestly when does something like that ever happen to anyone? But at least I can say he stood right next to me and I was polite enough not to bother him.
Anyways in a nut shell that was my NAMM experience. Oh yeah and I also got food poisoning at a Yamaha party; good times!
Hey Alex,
I first saw you back in the early 90,sw/Savatage@ a bar in Ohio.You opened up with you own band The Alex Skolnick Project. You almost seemed embarrassed when they introduced you. Icould tell right away that you were shy. When you started to play I no longer saw your awkwardness, all I saw was your gift. We were blown away by your raw talent and have followed you career ever since.Who cares what S. Freud would say, he never saw you play.Thanks for being about the music Alex!
Rachel B.
Sounds like NAMM was a vessel of self actualization,learning,and development in your life's musical voyage, where, as a novice you rocked around with waves of insecurity, but learned the ropes and rode the wake and found perservers along the way that helped you coordinate and kept you afloat and equipped to navigate the journey ahead where you have securely dropped anchor in an ocean of success. ( I think those faced with more challenges, be it self imposed, often become the masters in their chosen course)Ahoy
This is by far the most influential post I have read so far. ( Libra) you sound somewhat inside out, beside yourself, and yet quite grounded and lucid, beautiful balance is in your words.
You made Namm sound so interesting I went to YouTube, and looked for all the highlights! XP of course we found Dave M-- his one interview comes up in every search-(my son is happy) saw flea and Chad, (my daughter is happy) that was cool; I saw a Randy Rhoads tribute guitar....surprise! I tried to decipher an Italian upload loving Joe Satriani, I was thinking yea me too! I looked and looked for "Skolnick" and only found someone who showed and played your signature guitar, we did not see you ( me unhappy). I did find some neat things I want to buy now! Like that electronic guitar...and a vox, and maybe and EVH set!
As you said- It was obvious that this was a huge event, for every aspect of the business, and sales are the goal. Pretty-girls and yea cool guitar players, sell the nicest toys and the coolest lifestyle. Days later a Grammy Award ceremony, it’s the big time for those who are --lucky.
as a footnote: I would have thought, a more understanding attitude to the younger and less enjoyable sounding ( and probably underpaid and exploited) guitar players, as I would have thought for sure you might have seen yourself there at one point. But if that was the only complaint you had, I applaud your restraint, as I had some visual experiences with the few I saw online, and realized what I lack for understanding.
Great post, and the youthful image of you was, my sensory overload. (Sorry-- I had to say it- lol)
These posts are great Alex. It's great to hear this from a different perspective. I can't wait to read the next one.
~Belinda
I think some musicians are introspective, sensitive, poetic souls who face live performance with varied feelings. Perhaps, with pleasure or anxiety or both? While it's a part of the profession, I can't imagine what it takes to showcase your talent when you are shy and insecure. I look forward to your post on overcoming this. Also, it's especially good for shy insecure folks in today's online community to get outside of secluded networks and go live, connect and interface with others in life's circumstances, using the encounters as tutorials of understanding more of who they are as end users in their own reality. But, some will always struggle and hide, staying at cliffs edge of self confidence. Seems your modest beginnings may have brought your humble achievements.
Thank you for commenting about how people try to play the fastest or dress the loudest instead of just being over all good solid musicians... being able to play fast, sure, but also do other things and have at the very least, basic knowledge about what they're doing.
It really pisses me off when (guitarists especially or drummers) musicians do that, and then think they're the greatest thing since sliced bread.. but when you talk to them about music or playing, they don't have a clue.
Also, thank you thank you thank you! for writing about your earlier experiences there. I was supposed to go to NAMM last year with a couple people from a band I work with now and then, but I ended up not going for whatever reason. Anyhow, like you mentioned in your post about being shy and awkward... those are two very good words that describe me in big social situations to say the least.
Anyway.. thank you for writing about your earlier experiences versus present ones.
M
Thanks for the great comments! You all have no idea how shy and awkward I was...I'm understating things, lol.
I've actually written a great deal about it and will be sharing these in future writings. Having been somebody that only wanted to be acknowledged and liked by others, I've never understood how some artists feel that the slightest taste of publicity gives them license to behave like a complete prick.
While there are many musicians to whom the word 'prick' is too kind a description, the truth is- I've occasionally been mistaken about their behavior. Sometimes, it's easy to feel you are being judged by others when they're actually afraid that you are judging them (thanks Erica Jong for that observation).
I didn't mean to give the impression that I'm impatient towards young aspiring musicians. Only those, of any age, who are musically insensitive and add to the stereotypes that give guitarists a bad name (playing too loud etc..). The ones that get under my skin, I was nothing like, I assure you. And there was a young guitarist there whom I thought was terrific, will probably write about him next post or future post.
Yes, everytime I'm at NAMM, I think about what a surreal, bizarre experience it is. Every personal insecurity one has ever had is bound to come out. I've felt it as a newcomer and as an established artist. I'm much happier as the established artist, but will never forget what it feels like to be that newcomer.
For now, I see one more NAMM post here (two at the most), but I have much, much more to say about it, to be revealed later.
Loved this post! I feel as if I was actually there myself!
And thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on your shyness. This is something that I've always struggled with. Like you & several others have mentioned it has become easier through time & I've learned to deal with social situations better, but it will NEVER be an easy thing for me. People actually used to ask me why I didn't talk! (In my mind I would think "why the fuck don't YOU ever shut up!") But I would just shrug & wait for them to go away.
I can't wait to hear your thoughts on how, as a musician, you were ever able to get yourself up in front of all of those people and perform or why you ever wanted to being such a shy person. I play guitar myself (as I think many other here do) and I always ask myself why I play? My answer is that I do it for my own satisfaction.....but I had a guitar teacher once tell me that I would never be satisfied with just playing for myself....and I always find that echoing through my head......
I'm very much looking forward to future posts on this topic - Take care!
I really like this post! I know how you feel as I think we all in some way go through periods of not being comfortable inside our own skin in some way. I am still shy a lot of times and people often take it as me being cranky or not friendly. I have found that like you as I am finding my place in the world and becoming the person I want to be I am more comfortable and real and can even be genuine and more in the moment with others. Getting older is sometimes a great thing!
@Sherry -
I'm the same way... You're comment about thinking in your head how you just wonder why they don't ever stfu made me laugh. I can totally relate. :) I think that a lot at work... but working in a tattoo shop it's never ending obnoxiousness.
I've always *liked* playing in front of crowds.. as shy and weird as I am. I've been playing music in front of people and doing things on stage since... I was... 4? or 5? Something like that. Anyhow, when I was a lot younger it always made me nervous, more so than it does now obviously. But the satisfaction I got after walking off the stage knowing I did good was very much worth it. As I got older I just told myself, hey these people are here to see me, so they must like me at least a little bit. Helped ease some of the anxiety.
Have you ever played for friends or an open mic night or something?
Hey "M" - glad you can relate & that it made you laugh....it's so true though!
It makes me wonder why people & society in general find shyness or a person that keeps to his/herself to be the odd one - that anyone would have to question us on why we are the way we are. Is it this constant scrutiny that makes us feel awkward & not comfortable in our own skin?
When I was a young kid I performed in front of people as well (played the violin & competed in gymnastics). But I think as a kid there is not so much self-consciousness .... until others make us aware of certain things and make us doubt ourselves, which plays right into that shy part of our personalities. As an adult I've played guitar in front of a few people in a really relaxed setting, but certainly not anywhere where I felt anyone was really watching or listening. Alex, you mentioned feeling "invisible". That feeling is perfectly okay with me. I like not being noticed. The thought of getting up on a stage in front of a bunch of people makes me want to puke!LOL!
Like you said, JennyK, getting older is sometimes a good thing. We can only hope that as adults we can learn to like and accept the people that we've become.
Awh yeah... I'm definitely the same way.. lol. To me, the constant scrutiny has made me come off as a [insert random pissy insults here].
And I'm not, usually. I get annoyed when people constantly bother me, because they usually end up crossing some sort of line that makes me mad. Instead of just maybe being nice and saying hi and trying to hold a conversation with me. And yeah, Alex, being invisible isn't exactly a bad thing.
They don't call it Sears Tower any more?
Interesting dialogue. Yes, there will be much more writing in the future about overcoming shyness and becoming comfortable in your own skin. Believe me, I've been there.
I remember doubting whether I was cut out to be a performer. I was so painfully shy. If I couldn't look at someone directly during a conversation, how could I expect to be on stage?
Then, I remember hearing about performers that were described as very shy offstage. There were many, but the ones I remember most were Jimi Hendrix and Johnny Carson. One was the most flamboyant performer in rock during the late 60's, a flamboyant period in itself (not to mention one of the greatest guitarists). And the other was one of the most at ease conversationalists and funniest comedians on television. Apparently both these guys were very shy offstage.
Re: being invisible, it's certainly not a bad thing when it's by your own choice. But what if you don't want to be invisible and wish to feel seen and heard? If you have things to express, feeling invisible can be difficult, especially if you're a performer.
Re: The Sears Tower, that's right. It'now the Willis Tower, the name changed last year when it reverted to British insurance company, Willis Holdings. But like Candlestick Park, which has gone through several corporate name changes before reverting back, or the Oakland Coliseum Arena (now called Oracle Arena), it is hard to get used to.
Yeah, you're right about the invisible thing.
I've been on stage and have done plenty of different performances, not to the extent you do, obviously... that stuff doesn't really bother me. It's everything else, once I'm off stage talking to people.. etc etc. I really like to be left alone, usually. I have a few close friends.. keep in touch with people mainly online. Honestly, it's not a disrespect to people I meet off stage that want to talk to me, or that I should talk to. I'm just really too shy and I like to keep to myself. *shrug*
M&Sherry, Im not a musician or performer, yet somewhat shy at times, more introspect. But, others can be mirrors of ourselves and in that way we connect. And, I think it is important for performers/musicians to connect be it on stage or off. Listeners like to be heard also. Not in an imposing way but like in theater, the performers and audience are symbiotic and need each other.Years back I met and spent time with Ray Davies of the Kinks who was extremely shy,quiet and introspective, Im sure there are countless others out there too :)
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